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So depressed!

has anyone else ever felt really depressed in American Lit? I know Bridget hasn't 'cause she's not in that class, lucky dog. Anyway, when I'm in that class I always think about suicide. Not mine, but a person who committed suicide, i think it was maybe june (?) or last year. Anyway, whenever i go in that class for our little P.O.D.'s i always write about that, and how it's kind of his daughter's fault. I know it sounds horrible but it really is.

Okay, so she was molested about three times by her step father Jim, and then when she met her boyfriend (who's not very productive and they were off and on for about two years) she finally decided to tell him about it and he blew up and told everyone else. He told me at high rocks, which was a little awkward and that was a disaster since i was the only one not saying "i'm gaonna cut his fucking head off." so then she hashed a plan to run away with jon (and while this was happening her mother (barbera) had left her and jim to be with her sleazy boyfriend) before her (ashley) and jim went on a trip to maryland to see his two biological children. but of course, it fell through. and they came home early and ashley told her mother and then jim got arrested and then he went to jail and hung himself.

how untactiful! i know this sounds cruel but you don't really know her and if you did it would still sound a lil cruel. but what has always bothered me is that how did she not tell us? if your a girl, you know your girlfriends. you have those intimate moments where you tell them things you would never dream of telling people and you cry and yell and all that jazz. and for the 11 years i've known her she never told us.

her excuse was that she would feel embarressed. but why? i was abused for years upon years! physically though, not sexually, so would that make a difference? and i told her all about it and she could look into my eyes and not tell me and make me feel like such an outsider? gah! i don't understand. i would tell her, yet she wouldn't tell me? she would tell her slacker boyfriend who hasn't graduated high school and lives off of her? so illogical. And so whenever i go to American Lit. I think about this and then I write it down to pretend i'm doing something and then I recycle it on breaks. so depressed.

Avatar bridget
01-31-05 23:39
Just... Live
I don't know.. there are some situations where there is not right answer. And some things are imminent, despite the actions of others that may spur them on. As far as the not telling friends but telling her on again/ off again boyfriend... maybe she was groping for a way to keep him on again for a while. Maybe she was looking for sympathy. Maybe after years of not telling her friends, she finally broke down and he was simply there... I... really don't know. I'm sorry that it all happened, but please don't let it depress you... Well... if you ever need to talk. You know where you can find me. : )
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